Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
