I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Two words: nipple clamps
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