He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
