Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize