I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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