I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
