Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Life is so much better after having sex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
