both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
