Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if only i could text you this smell
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
