i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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