Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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