I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
pray to the hookup gods
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
