Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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