If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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