I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
