He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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