I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
