to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the day after is always just damage control
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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