HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
