i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
