Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this will be a night to untag.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize