So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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