20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
