I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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