there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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