Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
