Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
