so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We left the knife in your bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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