never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have fence marks all over my body
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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