I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
