if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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