Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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