i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
