tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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