Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
