By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
