That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
