Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
