my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize