I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize