he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
