if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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