Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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