You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
