I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
