Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize