Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
