Im at strip club and am horny
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
