She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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