can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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