It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
