You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize