I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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