I think my vagina is haunted
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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