Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
