some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
