Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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