I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
