I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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