Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mom said you looked used
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
