just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
