My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk is not a location!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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