just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
