The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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