He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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