its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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