i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
