Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
