what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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