how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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