Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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